Speak some nyan

Monday, August 10, 2009

Raw Thoughts

I didn't expect the wave of emotions to hit me... Good thing it's not to the point I break apart, only to the extent of shedding some tears. It was a mixture of confusion, depressed, stressed, anger and sadness. Seeing then tonight brought all those memories back. Besides the hideous shirt he wore (it just looks cheap with the shiny stripes and buttons), I started to ponder on the questions I asked myself 1 1/2 years ago. What does he see in her? Why of all people, he chose her? Why of all things it's the 2 people whom I know? What did I lack?

I'm amazed at how blind I can be to look past his bad points and wilingly forgive and forget (didn't take any effort) his mistakes. I currently have Jared who cares so much about me and yet I still yearn to go back to him. Am I using him to forget the bastard? Did I just say yes because I miss the feeling of being in a relationship? The other half of me just wishes to break the bastard's nose for wasting my efforts. Why can't I forget him and make the best out of my current relationship.

Doesn't help when my best friend gives hints that she rather spends time with them than her own two best friends. I keep pondering, why she enjoys hanging out with them. Probably their love for consoles I suppose.....

On the other hand, compared to me, my other friends have been enduring worse that I have. I have one who's been having bad luck with relationships, emotionally abusing her. I won't blame her, the men were really assholes that I'd never thought I'd encounter. Audrey is also being strong while recovering from her previous relationship and I'm glad she told me how she felt about me and Jared.

I just have look on the bright side~ and promise to give my best to my relationship with Jared :D

And break the bastard's nose (can I hire someone to do it plz?), if not, avoid him at all costs... which somehow I predict it's gonna be a lil bit difficult.

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