April's Rant and Retail Therapy

I might be open, but I don't appreciate people who talk without thinking. It's sad that I've know this person for a few years yet he/she can keep doing this to me. Not once, not twice but I've been getting it for more than 6 months.

I was talking to a friend the other day and the issue of Miss V came up. Apparently Miss V says whatever the fuck she wants because she has nothing to lose because she has nothing. Oh just because she doesn't value herself, doesn't give the reason to be so fucking selfish. Believe me, I can be what Miss V is, probably even nastier. I just choose not to do it because I want to respect people's feelings as much as I hope people will respect mine.

To top it up, the issue of MONEY came up between mother and me.... she's demanding more plus now I have to start paying my PTPTN which means more than half of my salary goes to her each month now. Not covering my own food expenses, parking, phone bill and essential toiletries. This sucks really.... it sucks how that bitch keeps trying to guilt trip me. It sucks looking at people around me who are born with silver, gold, platinum spoons in their mouths, not tied to loans, get cars for birthday presents and churn out 32647453659 cosplay costumes.

So to get away from all this.... social pressure =3=, I went to do a bit of retail therapy.... My trusty Charles & Keiths broke down after 3 years. Not bad really, for something that I only paid RM80 for. I went around Sunway Pyramid and found new wedges from Payless ShoeSource, the largest family footwear retailer in the US. They work with some of America's fashion designers to come up with new collections but you know me, the comfort comes first =D

My new shoes from Brash Shoe & Accessories. Not the style I would pick but they were comfortable for me

I could never wear RM30-40 shoes that people get from cheap sales =/ cuz my feel are kinda flat with wide toe area so those shoes would hurt me after an hour or two. Really happy with my shoes :D. On Sunday after camp, I dropped by Times Square to check out Room8008's store. Wanted to get the pink off shoulder casual top from her but end up buying other things to replace in my wardrobe =/

From top left: Liz Lisa inspired bag, Pink casual off-shoulder top, Mint green skirt and striped sailor top

Okay I admit the Liz Lisa bag was a very bad impulsive buy OAO;;; but I love it so much!!! Most of the stuffs are pastel colors which is the color of spring this season =D

Whelp.... that goes all of my salary this month =/ My last shopping spree for a looooong time....

Negative Emotions and Exciting Trips to the Supermarket

Officially back and settled down from Animangaki. Days before the event I kept changing my mind back and forth between going and not going for the event haha. Then Hisa asked me whether I can fix his makeup for Animangaki and of course I agreed to if (free tix man!).

Attempted to do a little eye makeup before I head to Sunway but it ended up too dark =/ ah wells. Reached the hall at 9.10am and I saw visitors crowding the entrance to the hall which was across the other side of the building. I ended up in the staff entrance of the hall and NOBODY STOPPED ME AT ALL despite how blur I looked @A@. I'll be damned for security hahaha, I could've stayed in the hall all day and leave when I'm satisfied. Oh and there were no signs to direct us to the hall from the main entrance =/ Thank god I had hisa to call or I'll be lost >_>

Met a lot of new and old people :3 felt so much like a school reunion. The schedule was very delayed from the very beginning. Karaoke competition took half the day but it was good!!! There was much more competition compared to AniCom. The solo's were a bit of a disappointment and I didn't stay long enough for OTP.

Everyone started heading home around 4-5pm and that's when I started to feel so lonely =( It felt like CF 2005 at Sri Sedaya, only that I felt like a newbie and everyone had their own cliques to be around with so I decided to take the chance and escape when Audrey had to go. On top of that feeling of loneliness, I accidentally saw a face I didn't want to see and the feelings of grief I felt 2 years ago came flooding back to me. When I wanted to pay for the car park, I realized I didn't have enough change and no one had change for me ._. (I asked about 4-5 people) By that time I was feeling so helpless on top of the rest of what I'm feeling, I almost wanted to sit on the steps and just burst into tears. Thank god one kind soul told me I could exchange from the security post T_T

Found out Jared was at SS15 so went there to meet him since I didn't wanna go home yet =( As I was telling him about my day, I couldn't control my emotions any longer and then he asked me whats wrong. At that point I was silently cursing myself feeling embarrassed at how weak I am, how I thought I could bottle up all the negativity and focus on all the good things that happened today, how I wish I could get into an accident, survive with  amnesia and start my life all over again.

Darrell called up as we were talking over it, bloody guy has impeccable timing sial. He dropped by and chatted a little sending all of us laughing till our jaws ached. Too bad he's such a spoilsport and didn't join us for dinner. Went to Sakae Sushi for dinner since Jared had some gift vouchers to be used then we visited the supermarket so that I can get my apple vinegar cider.

Went to look at jars of honey o_o expensiveness then I remembered that dad just got pure honey from Aussie so there's no need for me to look high and low for it.

But nothing beats thisssssss Holy sheeeeeet Are the bees shitting gold honey or something!??!?!

Got my cider too ohohoh~ It was more expensive than the price stated =P

Now you can have a Lucky Stick! 8D

Found Mason Jars!! *hearts*

Came back and found this awesome picture tagged~! *hearts* just a reminder to myself *starts humming 'you are not aloneeeeee'*

Rare Moments Where I feel So Down

The last time I felt this emo was back in 2007/2008 period. I just suddenly felt so down and with nothing in my life to look forward to. I feel so miserable over some things and disappointed and depressed over other issues. Today is one of the days I feel so alone and when I start thinking about what's happening now, I feel so heavy that all I wanna do is lie in bed and wallow in despair.

There are things happening which I can't mention here =(

*drags herself to bed*

The Truth?

I'm not happy (to put it in a lighter way) despite all the good things that happened. My mum's rushing me to buy own car with a fresh graduate's salary and pesters me with itty bitty chores while that stupid brother of mine bums in the house. Hope both of them end up in hell plz. Useless piece of shit...

And other factors..... I won't bother to write them here...

Baskin Robbins shared among the 4 of us yesterday. I honestly prefer Lecka-lecka....

Today me and Audrey redeemed our facials from Skin 11, a sub of Cellinique. Their facials are at a standard price of RM139 and the treatments differ depending on your face condition. The beautician used a lot of products on my face that I totally lost count @_@ but I remember one of the masks smelled like pineapple tarts! She didn't do much extraction on my face since there's no way to pinch out the oil seed from my current pimples >w< but the masks help sooth the pimples.

In Despairrrrrr

I've hit rock bottom a few days ago which half explains my lack of updates. It's funny how could a dream could make me feel so depressed. That along with the stress of looking for my first job. The fear of not being able to perform up to expectations. Looking at all the responsibilities that comes with the job just lowers down my confidence. I've learned nothing, zero from my degree programme >_> horrible waste of my time.

Thinking about all that just made me stop pursuing for freebies or reading up on the beauty blogs. Gods I hope this phase passes...